My Pain For Gary

Last week, on Monday the 6^th of August 2012, there was a statement released saying Gary Barlow and his wife Dawn had sadly lost their fourth child. Their daughter Poppy was stillborn. Upon hearing this news I began to cry. Some may find this strange or stupid, on the fact that I don’t know him and have never before met either of them. But being a Take That and a Gary fan, I feel as if I do know him, maybe not personally but from afar.

I have also empathised with their loss, as my auntie and uncle went through the same thing five years ago. They had struggled for years having children, but in 2007 they were expecting a baby. This baby was one of twins, however earlier on in the pregnancy one of the twins sadly died. Everything was going well, until five days before the baby was due it stopped kicking. My auntie rang the hospital but they said this was normal, however have since been told it’s not, by the next morning the baby had completely stopped kicking. The hospital told her not to go in until the afternoon, once they had got there they again had to wait two hours before anyone saw them. By that time the doctors couldn’t find a heartbeat and their baby had died.

Now I’m not saying that the NHS isn’t good, and doctors and nurses aren’t amazing, but I really do believe if my auntie was told to go into hospital as soon as the kicking had slowed down, I believe my cousin would still be here, but that’s a what if. You can’t spend your life thinking of what ifs, because it’ll just end up destroying you.

Two days later my auntie gave birth to a boy named Jamie, yet unlike other babies when born, he didn’t move, he didn’t cry and he didn’t open his eyes. A few minutes after his birth, my auntie and uncle had to sign a birth certificate and a death certificate. I don’t know what it’s like to go through losing a child, but I saw how it was for them. It is the most painful experience anyone can go through, whatever stage of pregnancy and however age your child is, no parent should lose their child. I had been so excited and so looking forward to meeting my cousin, but when I was told he had died, I broke down.

I have never cried so much and I have ever felt so much pain, I got seriously depressed and I have never truly got over it. No one should ever have to bury a child, I remember seeing the coffin and thinking how small it was, I know Gary and Dawn will go through the same kind of pain when they have to bury Poppy. It isn’t nice, I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on my worst enemy, let alone Gary, Dawn and their family.

Even now, five years on, I still cry for my cousin and I still feel the pain, no one gets over something like that, but it does get easier. That’s something I’d like to tell Gary and Dawn, they will get through this. They have a strong relationship and have been through a lot together, with each other, their children and their families, they will get through this. It will get easier for them. One day, when they think of their beautiful baby Poppy, it will be with a smile.